Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Bringing the payne

Ah Max Payne, you are a troublesome mistress, aren't you? You spurn my advances of flowers and prose, while preferring the company of akimbo pistols and high-octane drinks. And all would be fine in this world if this were still the case. For, in your ever Rorschach-morphing desires, you turn to hair clippers, facial hair and South-American settings to satiate your downward-spiralling demise. As pictures are worth a thousand words, turn your eyes towards exhibit A:

'How the mighty have fallen ...
Even if you now have an impressive beard, you have seemingly lost yourself in the process. Prior to your latest adventure, I was looking forward to experiencing your next adventure in cello-themed sufferance and was even going to overlook your derelicte faux pas if your essence remained true - and that was where the problems began. First off, your new adventure only hints at the cello theme and has mostly been replaced by rhythmic sound overlays which, while adding to the tension, do not retain the original tone. You still managed to retain your narration, pessimistic views on life and unfortunate ability to attract enemies with very large guns but, somehow, you lost your way. You lost what was great about the dour-drenched drudgery, dark, rain-saturated and lost slums of New York City streets. Instead you choose to wear shades and a Hawaiian shirt. Yes, you wore a Hawaiian shirt. In public. For shame; for SHAME! I know the original you would have shot anyone daring to wear that shirt in your presence ...

Anyway, your abilities to dole out justice still works well but the level of luck/repetition required to head-shot 15 enemies within a 5-second akimbo dive would, even for you, border on the nigh impossible. Fortunately you are not unfamiliar with the Groundhog Day effect and so can repeat (ad infinitum) the present scenario until the roll of the dice finally falls in your favour. It kind of sullies the experience when it is not your dexterity that determines your ability to survive (or find cover) but, rather, the variability of the sniper-honed AI to miss and for you to dive while managing to avoid colliding against the various household furniture that quickly cease your slow-motion balletic movements.

And so, in conclusion, I did still enjoy your experience but was disappointed by a greater desire to relish in gore and violence rather than simply dole out large doses of justice while continuing to defy the odds. Yes, I know your past experiences were dour and far from flowers and bunny rabbits, but I still wanted to retain some of 'the purity' of your original adventures while possibly enhancing the bullet time of your past. Also, you lost the John Woo slow-mo ballet-like reload animation that I enjoyed so much in your second adventure. What happened? Did you throw yourself down one-too-many stairs, perchance? You might want to see a chiro about that ...