When I became a man, I put away childish things

Oh, what it is to be an adult. We are expected to be responsible, we're expected to be predictable, we're expected to be ... boring. I don't understand this mindset. Why is playful and unadulterated enjoyment something limited to being a child? When was using your imagination to create a fort out of towels and clothes pegs deemed unfit for adult consumption? I would argue that it isn't - even if you may come across a little Peter Pan in the process.

Perhaps there are limits to how childish you can be but there's something to be said about unnecessarily gatekeeping what you allow yourself to do. Heck, billionaires are living out their childhoods while plundering undersea treasures, building rockets, building penis rockets, and making cars do rocket jumps. Perhaps, only once you've got a few billion in your pocket, can you be allowed to be a child once more ... but I digress.

Which brings me to my latest point. I am bored of adult movies (not that kind, you dirty, dirty person.) Perhaps I should qualify: I'm bored of Western media, as it's usually padded with healthy smatterings of pandering, representation, agendas, spectacle ... oh, and, perhaps a competent story (once you've jumped through all the mandatory hoops enforced by minority groups.) It tires me. Which is why I have turned to non-western media and, shock horror, children's programs for my entertainment. I should qualify that children's programs don't get a carte blanche - you do still need to thin the herd. 

To list a few recent children's shows which were far more enjoyable than they had any right to be: Sonic 2, KPop Demon Hunters ... and Blue's Clues: the movie.

Goddamn it, Blue's Clues. How you be so goddamn entertaining?

I hate musicals, I didn't watch old Blue (too old); and yet, this was a damn good time. It was fast, it was bright, it had energy and, even if the story was less than highbrow, I was entertained. There were member berries but they were added tastefully. I know that KPop Demon Hunters is the darling of the moment (and also a musical) but I would also say that Blues Clues surpasses it. It was a breath of fresh air to simply have a show simply be fun. After watching these films I came to the realisation that modern cinema has fallen. Very hard. It has lost what made it great. It has focused far too much on spectacle and messaging and forgotten about the whole purpose of its existence: to entertain. 

And, yes, I was entertained - just not by modern western adult cinema. 

 

Oh, Microsoft

You would think that with all the billions in your bank account you would direct a few more dollars towards your marketing department. Case in point: the current naming scheme of the Xbox. The first release was unimaginatively called the Xbox - or DirectX Box. For those not in the know, Windows uses DirectX for all its graphical and audio needs, and so, Xbox was basically a Windows PC which can only play games. This was then followed on by Xbox 360 ... and then the Xbox One - or X-Bone. Colour me confused - the marketeers had somehow created a new numbering system where they go from (1) to 360 and then back to one.

 

And all would be right with the world if their marketeers had just left it at that. They then decided that they would fragment the X-Bone with the X-Bone S (which is the refactored/diskless version) and X-Bone X (which is the slightly more powerful version of the stock X-Bone). They then decided that this wasn't confusing enough so the next generation of XBox will be known as - wait for it - the Xbox Series X (for the top-end version) and the Xbox Series S (which is the less powerful than the Series X and less powerful than the X-Bone X ... but with raytracing). I look forward to having parents around the world picking up the last generation X-Bone X and thinking they got a good deal on their next-gen console.

Notably, the Xbox Series X can be (puerilely) abbreviated to Xbox SeX. At this time I must think the marketeers are leaning into their five-year-old mentality - or they're taking a leaf out of Musk's playbook. Whatever the case, having two different hardware targets will cause fragmentation and result in sub-par releases for the top-end version as developers will not be arsed utilising the full capabilities of the top-end if that means having to dedicate twice the level of effort testing and optimising for two different hardware targets. Even if I'm a PlayStation fanboy, the two PS5 versions scheduled for release will utilise the same hardware for both the disk and non-disk version. There won't be any fragmentation and will result in games fully utilizing hardware (if the developer is worth their salt.) 

 I don't enjoy any company merely being successful because there's no competition - we are all better for a healthy triopoly (if you include Nintendo) as that will force all parties to do their best. I really hope that I am wrong with regards to the next-gen XBox's ... but my spider senses are tingling even now.

A tale as old as time

Ah, PayPal, you promised us seamless money transfers but delivered us price-gouging, bureaucracy and a useless payment process instead. Perhaps you are merely successful by sake of proxy but, sweet jeebus, you certainly rest upon your laurels while doing so.

Now listen, children, to a tale as old as time; in the early years of the internet there was a time when paying for things was fraught with danger. Where things like 'HTTPS' were mocked and evil-doers could easily extract credit card details at the drop of the hat. But, fear not, a plucky young hero going by the name of Elon Musk decided to put a stop to those antagonistic ways by putting up a relatively secure payment method going by the name of PayPal which would be able to bridge between the far-off lands and allow peasants, such as myself, the ability to pay for goods and services rendered.

 

Now, from the start, I wasn't much of a fan of it. It was heavy, cludgy and awkward to use and the price-gouging on fund transfers was pretty hard to swallow (although they did have to make money somehow). This also became the default payment method for all Ebay purchasers (which, of course, they had bought) - but the process remains awkward - even today, and so, our paths diverged as I moved onwards toward greener pastures. Later, approximately 8-9 years to be exact, I decided that it would be best to close my account. But, apparently, there remained an account balance which needed to be transfer to my linked account and then, finally then, I would be able to end the curse of PayPal. 

And so, began my quest to squeeze blood out of stone. 

First problem: I had forgotten my password; no problem - just use 'forgot my password' to leverage my (still-remembered) security questions. 

Second problem: the confirmation code is sent to a defunct cell phone number; no problem - just call customer support. 

Third problem: customer support can't do anything useful; no problem - actually, wait, big problem. 

I'm in a wonderful limbo state where I can't request my account to be closed; I can't request my balance to be transferred; I can't request my password to be reset; I can't request an iota of sanity to momentarily regale within the organisation of PayPal. And so, we have a wonderful stalemate where incompetent people within an incompetent organisation withhold funds from me due to stupid bureaucracy and stupid policies. And so, the not-so-evil Elon Musk (since he has disassociated himself from it) can rest easy in the fact the former aborted abomination can relax with a few more ill-gotten dollars to its name.