Monday, April 29, 2013

Happy happy

I'm tired of excited by technology attempting to censor helping me enlighten my diction. When I use swipe, my phone surreptitiously attempts to clean up wondrously corrects my use of darns whoopees and drats wonderfuls. It is fudging annoying. I am not a child and I should not be treated like one. If I want something a little more caliente interesting than a "darnwhoopee" it should be within my ability to express myself that way without having to resort to manually typing it in for google to enlighten me

It is a little Orwellian brilliant to think that my device would have has the power good sense to control my self expression correct my incorrections. I can picture a not-too-distant future would love a world where all my communication is auto-corrected and censored perfect. Soon all negative positive terms will be stricken from our diction so that we can only express ourselves in superlatives and positive terms. Maybe I am just being a little neurotic but I do have a hint of a point, don't I? agree wholeheartedly. I cannot be the only one who can see the innocuous and insidious path we have slowly directed ourselves tow- All hail our benevolent liberator, the <##>@<#@>.

<google has corrected this post for the purposes of enlightening and entertaining said internet users on the behalf of our benevolent liberator, the <##>@<#@>. Please be well.>

Update: It turns out I can 'hack' the dictionary in google swipe. Just type in a misspelled word, click add to dictionary and then add the word you *really* want to add in place of this misspelling. Your move, Google.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Kick 'em while they're down

It's that time again to have a tech post - bear with me while I vent.

Poor old Microsoft. Even if they made 6 billion in profit last quarter they still apparently cannot afford to buy a clue. I am, of course, talking about their ongoing failure to extend into markets with anything that doesn't contain the word 'office' or 'windows' in it. I guess the one exception would be the xbox but if that's your only hit (in how many years?), it's a little alarming. I would never have thought a multi-billion dollar company would be an underdog but that's how I see them at this point in time. Here's the list of attempts to remain cool and relevant:
  • Windows Phone - owns 4% of the market after two years.
  • Surface RT (AKA Microsoft iPad (AKA 'the neutered Windows 8 tablet')) - not even 1% of the market and no chance of improving.
  • Surface Pro (AKA 'proper Windows 8 tablet') - not even 1% of the market and only a slight chance of this improving.
  • Windows 8 (AKA 'the finger paint OS') - apparently so bad it's causing a mass defection to OSX or motivating people to upgrade back to Windows 7.
Doesn't look good, does it? On windows 8, I think the major failing is that it is trying to be everything. I can understand that you would want a touch interface if you're using a tablet but it should not force professionals to swipe with the bluntness of an index finger every time you want to do something. But enough about that. I would rather suggest ways in which they can attempt to solve most of their issues:

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Say yes to logic

I recently have been subjected to watching inane shows like 'Say Yes to the Dress'. And this show could not be any less ... engaging. Maybe my queer eye is playing tricks on me but almost every dress looks somewhere between garish and tasteless. Yes, if I am forced to endure the contents of this show, I at least make the effort to critique their fashion missteps. And then comes the price.

Twenty-six THOUSAND (or more) for a wedding dress? That seems like a sound investment. In what reality does that make any semblance of common sense? I can understand spending maybe a few thousand which, even then makes my skin crawl, but spending the price of a car on a dress you wear once is just silly. If you have millions of dollars in the bank account then *possibly* that is alright but, if you're like most of the general population, that is a lot of money. When did marriage become about the spectacle and living out your princess fantasies? At what point does reality rear its ugly head to your idealisms? At what point do you think, no, I won't put our relationship in a financial hole that my parents or bank will need to fill? I would hope the answer would be never but who am I to question what the princess wants? 

It looks like she had a wardrobe malfunction (and it cost 1.5 mill)

Oh, and then there's another offshoot of this show called 'I found the gown.'  But I think they haven't gone far enough. I've got another concept that should broaden their audience: "I found twenty-six thousand dollars in my pocket (that I didn't spend on a wedding dress)." Well, at least the groom and parents would appreciate it.