Kick 'em while they're down

It's that time again to have a tech post - bear with me while I vent.

Poor old Microsoft. Even if they made 6 billion in profit last quarter they still apparently cannot afford to buy a clue. I am, of course, talking about their ongoing failure to extend into markets with anything that doesn't contain the word 'office' or 'windows' in it. I guess the one exception would be the xbox but if that's your only hit (in how many years?), it's a little alarming. I would never have thought a multi-billion dollar company would be an underdog but that's how I see them at this point in time. Here's the list of attempts to remain cool and relevant:

• Windows Phone - owns 4% of the market after two years.
• Surface RT (AKA Microsoft iPad (AKA 'the neutered Windows 8 tablet')) - not even 1% of the market and no chance of improving.
• Surface Pro (AKA 'proper Windows 8 tablet') - not even 1% of the market and only a slight chance of this improving.
• Windows 8 (AKA 'the finger paint OS') - apparently so bad it's causing a mass defection to OSX or motivating people to upgrade back to Windows 7.

Doesn't look good, does it? On windows 8, I think the major failing is that it is trying to be everything. I can understand that you would want a touch interface if you're using a tablet but it should not force professionals to swipe with the bluntness of an index finger every time you want to do something. But enough about that. I would rather suggest ways in which they can attempt to solve most of their issues:

• Release a desktop version of Windows 8
  
  The 'iphone/ipad' users can have Windows 8 touch and the rest of us can have a 'non-touch version' that does proper multi-tasking and has minimal fluff to get in the way of actually being productive.
• Remove the desktop interface from Windows 8 touch
  
  In the immortal words of Steve Jobs: duh. If you're doing a touch interface, then damn-well do a touch interface. Do not pollute the environment with a wishy-washy kinda-sorta experience. Commit to it and own it.
• Hold off on releasing Surface Pro/RT
  
  Too late. Just as Jar-jar got canned in subsequent Star Wars films when everyone despised the poorly-masqueraded 'black subservient slave' alien (shame on you George Lucas), Microsoft should realise that throwing out a tablet PC to the masses with an OS that most people don't like is probably not wise.
• Consolidate the Windows 8 touch/phone user experience
  
  Ideally 'W8T' should emulate the same experience whether it's on the phone, tablet or a touch-enabled laptop. It's close but not close enough. Also, it wouldn't hurt to share settings/preferences/mail/messages etc. between devices.
• Make it Grandma-proof on 'Windows 8 touch'
  
  If people have to follow tutorials or search the internet on how to login, close a program or logout, you know you didn't get it right. Use your mothers/grandmothers. If they don't know how to do something, go back to the drawing board until they do.
• Give your OS a simple name
  'Windows 8 touch' is a'ight but I would just call it 'touch' (or possibly Windows Touch) and the other one should be called 'Windows Business' (because that's your market).
• If the device doesn't have a touch-sensitive screen, do not install Windows 8 Touch
  Do I need to explain this point?
• Lose the Ballmer
  He is an embarrassment and lacks any form of vision outside of a reactionary one.

UPDATE: I think I might be goddamn soothsayer. Ballmer's out, the windows phone is dead, they're reintroducing a desktop version and they're aligning their OS's UI based upon whether it's touch-based or not (i.e. mouse/keyboard guys gets Windows 7 UI, touch gets the blergh instead). The only thing left is to fix the touch UI (never gonna happen) and for the names to be simplified.  Anyways, my job here is done *drops mike*

Luddites unite

I've finally arrived, dragging my heels and decrying my hatred for change. Yes, I have Window 7 and it is great*

*Your experiences may vary depending on whether you've followed the necessary steps listed below:

1. Remove Aero. Yes, I said it.
   Who wants indeterminant active windows of a translucent nature when you can have clearly-defined windows that don't sap CPU and memory just for the sake of some 'bling'? Yes aero is 'sexy' but it is useless.
   
   

   

   Which one is active? ... hmmm let me see.

   
   
2. Replace the mindf*** that is the default start menu.
   I'm not sure on what planet they thought that searching for each program you wish to run was a good idea.
   
   Sure, it remembers the last most-recent programs you ran but it doesn't maintain the order so it's pot luck each time you click on start. I recommend using classic shell - it's free and very powerful and, if you're still feeling masochistic, you can instantly revert to the old menu just by holding down shift.
   
   

   

   I pity tha fool who prefers the left-hand side 

   
   

   As an added bonus, I'm able to have a separate restart/hibernate/shut down as the good lord dictates.

   
   
3. Remembering where the icons are placed on your desktop should be out of the box, shouldn't it? Shouldn't it? Well, it isn't, so there is an app for that (thank you apple). So next time your screen decides to futz and bugger your icon locations, turn to this to avoid irritation. You are welcome.
   
   
4. Being able to delete a folder that is somehow locked by another process should be your god-given right, shouldn't it? Well it isn't but there is a fix for that.
   
   
5. Are those favourites / libraries links annoying you and taking up unnecessary space in windows explorer?
   Well, there is a hack for that.
   
   

   

   Not quite sure how they ever thought that was a good idea...

   
   
6. Is the task bar hiding all your active processes under one icon while you manically try to determine which of the mini windows is actually the process you want to open?
   Well, there's a fix for that. Actually, it's just a tweak, thank goodness. Microsoft had a bit of foresight this time and decided not to hard-code it in. Right-click on start bar, select properties and then select 'never combine' next to task bar buttons and the horrors abate once more.
   
   

   

   ...the horror

   
   

   After all that you have something you can actually use, well, I can use. Maybe I'm just dragging my knuckles into the next decade of this millennia, but I think these changes make windows useful once more. It makes using windows intuitive and productive which I'm not sure I can say about the default version.

   
   

   At least with Windows 7 they fixed the control panel - it is so streamlined that it becomes second nature. It's brilliant not having to traverse multiple disconnected and ambiguously-named pages to change a single setting. It's brilliant automatically knowing where the setting is without having to use google. Yes. Well done Microsoft.