Wednesday, November 23, 2011

An ode to gluttony

For those that aren't in America (or Canada), tomorrow is Thanksgiving. As with every other annual event, it has been perverted beyond the point of not being recognised for what it originally stood. Thirteen Pilgrims and ninety Native Americans attended a celebration created to thank God for guiding them safely through the New World and revolved around a feast that lasted three days, although I find that hard to believe. Maybe not the three days of gluttony, considering the state of obesity in America, but the 7-to-1 ratio of Native Americans to Pilgrims.

So, of course, anything which involves eating a truckload of food consumed to the point of throwing up is a tradition too hard to pass up for the average American. I think the only thing they're thankful for nowadays is that someone hasn't finished the last Twinkie. Now, before you think I'm bashing Americans, I'm not. This could be directed towards almost any annual event, because every event has become perverted from its original intention and generally redirected towards gluttony and a hedonistic application.

Easter, which originally was a pagan celebration for the equinox of Spring, was then perverted to be the resurrection of Christ (Spring), which then became something about collecting chocolate eggs extracted from, some would hypothesise, a giant rabbit's ass. So, what was once used to mark the beginning of planting the next lot of crops has now become an excuse to eat excessive amounts of sweetened chocolate.

Mother's day, which was an excuse to appreciate your mother by making her breakfast and treating her nicely, has now become something about buying some cheap ass gift that she'll appreciate for a few minutes while you make her a cup of instant coffee in the morning. The creator of this tradition personally abhors what this celebration has become.

Movember, which started as an excuse to grow a mo' in a month, which then became a competition for the best 'tache, has now become about earning money for a charity to support the study of what might be lurking in a guy's ass. Yes. That makes perfect sense.


I could go on, but I won't. Happy Ode to Gluttony!