Monday, November 14, 2011

Taking a slug to the slogan

American company slogans.

You either love them or hate them. I generally hate them, but 300 million Americans can't all be wrong.There was a time when slogans were intelligent; made by intelligent companies with a view to promote intelligent thoughts or positive views towards their product or service.

Good:

Fly the friendly skies.

Brilliant, but United Airlines went bust so maybe not the best example of a success story.

Gripping Stuff.

For Dunlop tyres. Not much more you need to say.

Average:

Put a tiger in your tank.


By Shell. Pretty stupid, as Tigers are almost extinct. Maybe they're inferring to us that the millions of tigers that have been killed were then distilled into petroleum and that gives your engine some extra pep? Well, alrighty, then. Sign me up for some tiger juice.

Asinine:
This category is dedicated to the late Steve Jobs: Steve, I salute you for opening the door wide open to asinine slogans.


Yes. You thought so differently that you created a whole new form of English. I tried to rationalise this but failed. Is Apple asking you to think about the word 'different'. Are they motivating you to think about why this is a poorly-formed sentence? Or maybe it's that they're thinking about being different but haven't quite got around to it yet? I don't know. All I know is this: Genius, my ass. The worst part is this pile of crud was given an Emmy award for advertising. Celebrating mediocrity and illiteracy, yes.

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Subway, not to be outdone, created their own slogan. Hey, if you have to create something, why not model it after a company that's worth Billions of dollars?

Eat Fresh.

Yep. It looks like you've got a verb and an adjective, there. Maybe you should think about creating a sentence out of that, like, 'Eat a fresh sandwich today.' If you try to make sense of the slogan as it is your brain will start to hurt. It's not as if you can eat 'fresh' -  'fresh' is not something you can consume. The fact my brain has contemplated the meaning of this slogan is why it needs to die.

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There was an ad for some men's hair colouring - so you can dupe women with poor eyesight into believing you're not some decrepit 40+ year-old man (with a 20-year-old delinquent son) who only gets frisky unless they pop a pill half an hour before. Their mind-numbing slogan for this gray-covering concoction is:

Live forward.

Gah. Note the verb plus adjective: damn you, Jobs. I am not sure how you can 'live forwards'. First of all, I didn't know life had a direction. Why is it that you can't live life to the left, or live life while going backwards. Does that mean every time you're reversing, you're doing something wrong? Are you not "living life forwards"? The fact that some marketing company probably got, as a bare minimum, $500,000 for putting a verb in front of an adjective is just the icing on the cake.

Welcome to my world. My brain hurts so I'll end the post.